Acknowledge Me, Please
Have you made the effort to attend your grandchild’s game or event and received no acknowledgment?
At a soccer game on a crisp fall day, I observed an older gentleman arrive alone, minutes before the start of the match. Wearing a wide-brimmed canvas hat, khaki shorts, and a navy tee shirt that matched the blue of his grandson’s jersey, he set up a lawn chair, placed his thermos on the parched turf, and settled in to enjoy the event.
The coach gave the boys time to hydrate and check in with their families at the end of warm-ups. The child took a long drink from his water bottle, received “Good Luck!” send-offs from his parents and grandfather, then ran off to join the team with nary a glance toward Gramps.
At halftime, the boy rested, chatted with his parents about the game, then rejoined his teammates. When the match ended, the family folded their lawn chairs and packed up their gear. Gramps called out to his grandson, “You played a good game!” and raised his hand for a high five, but the child took off toward the parking lot, kicking his ball back and forth with a friend as they crossed the field.
I can only imagine how the boy’s grandfather felt.
Most kids appreciate our attendance at their games and programs, or sharing a celebration, even if they don’t mention it.
As in other close relationships, we can tell our loved ones how we feel or ask for what we need. We might say to a child, “It makes me sad when I come to your game, and you don’t say hi.”
Kids can be taught respectful behavior, with gentle reminders:
“Let’s go to the door when Aunt Lillian gets here.”
“Did you thank Mimi for coming to your game?”
“Papa Joe is here. Did you say hello?”
When the child does acknowledge you at a game or event, or greets you at the door, reinforce the behavior:
“I love it when you come over to say hi at your game.”
“It makes me happy when you give me a hug when I visit. I feel so welcome.”
“I like your good manners!”
“You give the best hugs!”
Adults can also set a good example. Consider how the kids feel when they visit you. When my grandchildren come in, I like to say, “Yay, Mommy and Justin and Julie are here! I’m so happy!” Open arms signal that I’d like a hug.
Acknowledgment matters.